The Leader/Coach Relationship

And how to make it healthy

by Reid Smith

One of my favorite quotes from John Maxwell is: "Everything rises and falls on leadership." Over the years, it has become increasingly apparent to me how vital the relationship is between a "Coach" (or "Community Leader") and the leaders in their care. The relationship is just as important for the coach as it is for the group leader—a lifeline within which there is a double-movement of encouragement and support. This relationship takes effort from both sides in order to be strong.

In the past I've written more for coaches explaining how important it is for them to connect with their group leaders. However, one of the greatest challenges I've seen in churches does not have to do with the coaches contacting their group leaders as much as with group leaders rarely returning the courtesy, which over time emasculates the coach's purpose. One assumption from group leaders that feeds this is, "If there are no problems in my group, then there's no need for a connection with my coach." This is not true.

So how does each leader—group leader and coach alike—"fill the gap" of communication that seems to plague so many churches? The following list of practices is written to both coaches and group leaders. My hope is that at least one of these practices might refresh your own insight and action regarding this all-important relationship.

1. Take the time to build the relationship and get to know the coach/shepherd/mentor/pastor you are paired with. It's never too late to start, so reach out! Your group will reap the benefits.

2. Have a personal conversation about how to support each other. This is much better than a coach communicating the plan that all group leaders must subscribe to in the same way.

These questions go both ways:
--How can I best support you in your role?
--How often do you want to connect?
--What's your preferred method and time to connect?
--What encourages you? (Think "love languages".)
--What do you NOT want to do? (Submit reports, have long phone conversations, have to keep yet another regularly scheduled meeting, etc.)
--What brings life to you...and what drains it from you?

3. Agree to revisit how you have things set up with the understanding you can change things when desired—be flexible. Remember it's a relationship you're nurturing rather than a system you're maintaining.

4. Connect with your coach in a personable way at least twice a month.

5. If in-person meetings are challenging due to multiple campuses, distance, or scheduling, use freeconferencecall.com or tokbox.com for more frequent connections and reserve actual get-togethers for inspirational and celebratory purposes.

6. Learn birthdays, anniversaries, and those simple things that bring a smile to one's face—a Starbuck's coffee, a handwritten note, a dessert of some kind, etc. Then deliver on it!

The coach/leader relationship is primary. It is healthy when coaches and group leaders connect in unscripted ways, are real with each other, laugh with each other, want to communicate on a regular basis with one another, and dream together.

This list is intended to be a starting point to building a collegial relationship that is a source of life to both sides. Are there other ideas or practices that you have found helpful and would add to it?

Reid Smith is the Community Life pastor of the multi-site Christ Fellowship Church in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. He's also the founder of 2orMore—a small-group leadership training and resource ministry.