Words, Triggers, and Trampolines

If you use words that trigger genuine emotions and honest comments you, need to be able to bounce back.

by Rick Howerton

I tweeted nine words: "Silent small-group members are conversational parasites devouring synergy."

That triggered genuine emotions, which triggered honest words:
I think it's easy in our church culture of "small groups being the end-all be-all" to place the Group above the Individuals in the group. Even as much as some churches focus on small groups, it's even more important to see the individuals for what they are; not as just parts of a group. It reminds me of what Amy Grant said about her marriage to Gary Chapman years ago: "God did not create individuals for marriage; but marriage for individuals." I think, in the same way, God created the church body for people; he did not create people just to have a Church body.

I hope this comes from a poster and not from your head or heart, and still I wonder why you would post it as yours without comment on it's ungodliness.

"Rick, I've been thinking about your conversation all day, regarding "parasites" in small group. And I thought, "Well, what else would an obstinate person contribute to a group relationship?" Would they really be parasitical to a group? So I wikipediaed "symbiotic" relationships to research the other ecological types of relationships other than parasitical. Out of all the options, I think parasites best describes the obstinate group member. "A parasitic relationship is one in which one member of the association benefits while the other is harmed."

These came flooding in like a tsunami on Twitter and Facebook.

These were just a few of the comments. Obviously, my nine words triggered a plethora of wonderful opinions and emotions. (Evidently it's not wise to infer that people are parasites.) This can happen during a small-group meeting or in any conversation. When it does, you need to bounce back.

How to bounce back
Apologize for the terminology you used, tell the group what you were trying to say, then reword your statement. Realize this: It may take some people a while to get over it, some will wonder why you said anything at all, some will tell you you didn't need to apologize, some will sulk with a brazen stare, and others will remind you of our mishap often.

But the bottom line is that once you've apologized, you've done all you can do. If you let this rest in your heart it will make you a less effective leader.

What are some other ways to diffuse tension in a room when you've created it?