Removing Group Members

Is it ever okay?

by Amy Jackson

All small groups seem to have some interesting group members, people who change the dynamics of the group--and not for the better. But most of the time, getting the meeting back on track is just a matter of learning a few tactics to regroup and refocus the individual member and the group.

On the other hand, some groups will have a particularly difficult member. So I want to know: Is it ever okay to ask a group member to leave the group? And if so, what are the circumstances that make it okay? Share your thoughts with us below.

For one take on this, read JoHannah Reardon’s thoughts. She serves as the managing editor of ChristianBibleStudies.com.

posted by Amy Jackson on October 10, 2012 10:26 AM

Comments

I do believe it is okay to ask a member to leave or not be a part of a group when his or her actions are threatening or bring disharmony to the group. But the key to asking a member not to return is to involve a third party and provide another outlet or group for that individual, not merely turn him or her away.
A few weeks back, a situation occurred where a male member of a group wrote a vulgar and frightening email to a female host. His actions scared her, and rightly so. This host contacted myself as well as my co-coordinator who is a male. My co-coordinator tried to reach him on several occasions throughout the evening, but was unable to do so. We later discovered that the member was a recovering alcoholic that had gotten drunk and wrote this e-mail remembering very little of it.
Our goal was not to shame him or cast him out due to his actions. Instead, we wanted to provide a place where he could get the help he needed and provide a group that would walk with him through his healing. We requested he no longer attend her group, but attend a Life's Healing Choices group as well as receive counseling for his addiction that we could help provide. Although he struggled with the shame of his actions, he did comply with our request.
While it is okay to ask a member to leave, the key is providing for the host and the member. Being an intermediary for the host allowed her to feel safe and remain confident as a leader, and us showing care and providing a place where the member could begin healing offered him success as well.

Reminded...
Many are needed to plant and water what has been planted now that the faith has spread so far and there are so many people... No matter who plants or waters, God gives no harvest unless what is planted is the faith of Peter and unless he agrees to his teachings.