March 28, 2012
The Openly Shallow Small Group
Looking for a comfortable small group with no expectations?
Is small group a bit too deep for you? Are you looking for a place to simply get some good food and time to discuss the game? Do you hate awkward silences? Here's the perfect small group for you: the openly shallow small group!
Check out this video from RightNowTraining.org. Because everyone needs a good chuckle on a Wednesday.
posted by Amy Jackson at 10:08 AM on March 28, 2012 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)
February 29, 2012
What Would You Tell Your Small-Group Members?
Talking about suffering in small group
I hope you're ready for some discussion because I've got a big question for you.
It never ceases to amaze me how deeply people are hurting, specifically as I listen to prayer requests during small-group meetings. It's enough to make your heart break. And if you aren't currently hurting, chances are that someone close to you is. Suffering is simply part of our earthly existence.
So what do you say when a group member turns to you and asks what place suffering has in God's compassionate will? Not why suffering exists . . . but what God might be doing in and through it. How would you respond in a way that is true to the Word and recognizes this group member's deep suffering?
Share your responses with us below. Let's see if we can come up with a helpful answer together.
posted by Amy Jackson at 11:13 AM on February 29, 2012 | Comments (4) | Trackbacks (0)
January 26, 2012
Are There Really EGR Group Members?
Sam O'Neal shares why he changed his mind
In our most recent digizine, Troubleshooting, Sam O'Neal wrote an article on his new view of EGR group members. In "The Blessing of Problem People," Sam shares how he's changed his mind on this popular acronym. Check out what he says below.
Everybody loves acronyms—from TGIF to LOL to BLT and beyond. In the world of small-group ministry, the most common acronym I've come across has to be EGR. As in "extra grace required."The idea is that most people within a small group are "normal" and able to function well within the life of the group. But then there are other people—EGR people—who behave abnormally, and are even potentially dangerous to the community. Therefore the group can only function well if the normal folks use a little extra grace in order to tolerate the "problem people."
I used to be on board with that kind of thinking. I used to laugh whenever I heard someone say, "Every small group has an EGR person—and if you can't figure out who that person is in your group, it's probably you!" Har har.
But I have repented of that notion in recent years because of an important realization: every small group in the world is made up entirely of imperfect human beings. We are all sinful. We are all emotional. We are all unpredictable and perplexing and just a bit unstable.
In other words, we are all "problem people." We all require enormous amounts of grace.
So what do you think? Should we get rid of the term, or does it hold some value?
To read the rest of the article, click here.
posted by Amy Jackson at 8:00 AM on January 26, 2012 | Comments (4) | Trackbacks (0)
January 25, 2012
Exploring the Command to Carry One Another's Burdens
Using questions to minister
During a graduate class I’m taking, my professor held a discussion around Galatians 6:1–2. He asked the class what Paul meant by saying we "fulfill the law of Christ" when we carry others' burdens. Further, he asked us if we considered carrying others' burdens central to the Gospel or more of a peripheral duty.
His questions got me thinking. What does it mean if a central part of kingdom living is carrying others' burdens? What does it say about evangelical Christianity's emphasis on personal prayer and Bible study? And what about corporate worship? How often do we attend in order to hear from God or experience him for ourselves instead of connecting with others there?
Carrying others' burdens was central to the early church. We read in Acts 2 that early Christians "had everything in common" and provided for one another so no one would be in need. Paul also wrote often about not being a burden unnecessarily (see 2 Corinthians 12:14, 1 Thessalonians 2:9, and Hebrews 13:17). And he had plenty to say about bearing with one another by putting on compassion and patience (Colossians 3:12–13, Ephesians 4:2).
We also have God's example in carrying other's burdens—namely, our own. Psalm 68:19 says, "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." And in Matthew 11 and Galatians 5, Christ is painted as the one who frees us from heavy burdens.
So, it appears that carrying others' burdens truly is central to following Christ. But what does that look like? And how can small groups help fulfill this?
Last week I sat in a coffee shop near my home reading, when a man who seemed fresh out of high school asked to sit at the table with me. I was surprised by his request, and a bit irritated as I wanted to sit by myself silently enjoying some coffee and a book. A couple of times he tried awkwardly to start a conversation as I read my book. I gave him quick answers before returning to my reading.
Then I realized this was an opportunity, to get to know this person who is created in the image of God. So I tried awkwardly to start a conversation. I asked him questions about his day, his job, and his drink. It turns out, he was lonely. He wanted some human contact. He just wanted to have a normal human conversation with someone. And for whatever reason, I seemed safe. We talked for nearly an hour that day about aquariums and schools and movies, and I realized in my heart what I'd known in my head for a long time: questions can minister to others. They can show that we care, that we see them as real, living, breathing humans who deserve love and respect, and who have something to offer the world.
So, my first thought on carrying others' burdens is this: perhaps a great place to start is simply to be with the person, asking questions, getting to know them as another human being, helping to carry their loneliness, fear, or doubt.
What do you think? Can questions in themselves minister? How have questions ministered to you? How have you ministered to others by asking questions? Share with us below.
Check back over the next few months as I continue to flesh out the idea of carrying others' burdens.
posted by Amy Jackson at 11:09 AM on January 25, 2012 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)
January 19, 2012
Guess Who's Coming to Small Group?
Imagine what might happen if Jacob and Rachel showed up to your group
You're getting ready for your couples' small group, and you're excited: you have a new couple joining you tonight. In his e-mail, Jacob was very happy to have found a group that both he and his wife could attend. They're a new couple to the church, and you're excited that they've decided to get plugged in.
When Jacob and his wife, Rachel, arrive, you can tell there's something a little off. Rachel seems very uncomfortable, and she quietly says hello only when others initiate conversation. Nevertheless, you decide to proceed with group as usual so they can get an accurate taste of what happens at each meeting.
You start the group with check-in time, where couples share a high moment and a low or learning moment from the week. As the couples share, you can't help but notice Jacob and Rachel whispering and getting into a bit of an argument. When it's their turn to share, you find out why.
"Well, the high moment," Jacob starts," was our anniversary dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant this weekend. We're celebrating nine years together."
"I was able to get chicken limone—my favorite," Rachel chimes in with a slight smile.
"The low moment, though," Jacob continues," is up for debate. I believe it was when Rachel's father, Laban, called repeatedly asking me to help out with some projects around the house. He calls all the time and demands I do free work for him—even though I told him I couldn't help him anymore after we finished the patio last summer."
Rachel looks irritated. "And I believe the low point was when Jacob left the dinner dishes in the sink all night. They were really difficult to clean the next day. I mean, who cares if my dad wants your help? He's my father after all."
One of the women in the group gently asks, "Have these requests for help been a pattern in your married life?"
"Oh, long before we were ever married. He has always wanted me to do his work for him. And even when he says he'll compensate me, he never gives me exactly what he promised. I've been working for years for Laban, and I'm beginning to think he's taking advantage of me."
How would you respond to Jacob and Rachel?
Who knew one of the Bible's greatest couples would have so much in-law drama to share at small group? Find their full story in Genesis, beginning in chapter 25.
posted by Amy Jackson at 8:00 AM on January 19, 2012 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
January 17, 2012
Creating a Trustworthy Group
Mark Ingmire points out ten factors
Mark Ingmire recently wrote an article called "Evaluating Trust in Your Group" for our training resource Are We Building Trust? Mark points out ten key factors that indicate a trustworthy group including authenticity, confidentiality, and listening. Two other factors, though, particularly caught my eye. Mark points to confession—sharing our shortcomings and a desire to change—and serving others in the group as key indicators of trustworthy groups.
We often think that confession in small groups only applies to the strongest, most trusting groups. However, any group that has an appropriate amount of trust should be a safe place that invites members to share their shortcomings. Even if members don't share with the whole group, sharing with even just one other member is a sign that trust is present.
Serving one another, on the other hand, may not seem like such a big issue. Some might believe the group should be focusing on serving others rather than themselves. But Mark has a good point: "The age old adage is still true, 'People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.'" Serving group members can show them just how much you care. And that can go a long way in building trust.
Here's one of the evaluations Mark created. Be sure to check out Are We Building Trust? to read the full article and learn what your score means. You'll also get seven other assessments to evaluate the level of trust in your group.
Group Evaluation of Trust
For each category, circle the number that best describes your small group in most situations. Values for 1 and 5 are indicated below.
1.Accountability
1 2 3 4 5
1=No one expects anything from me
5=Our group could be titled “Great Expectations”
2.Authenticity
1 2 3 4 5
1=It’s like being at a Masquerade
5=Group members reveal their real selves
3.Closeness
1 2 3 4 5
1=Our group is like a room full of strangers
5=Our group feels like we are peas in a pod
4.Confession
1 2 3 4 5
1=“Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen” 5=No secrets here
5.Confidentiality
1 2 3 4 5
1=Loose lips prevail
5=Lips are sealed
6.Listening
1 2 3 4 5
1=I might as well be talking to the wall
5=My group understands me
7.Participation
1 2 3 4 5
1=I feel invisible
5=I feel like part of the team
8.Serving
1 2 3 4 5
1=It’s every man and woman for him/herself!
5=We’re constantly serving others
9.Sharing
1 2 3 4 5
1=It feels like our group has been given a gag order
5=It feels like a family reunion every week
10.Support
1 2 3 4 5
1=I might as well be aboard the Titanic 5=My group is my lifeboat
posted by Amy Jackson at 8:26 AM on January 17, 2012 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
December 20, 2011
John Ortberg On Sale!
Buy our newest Christmas video Bible study for only $9.95.
Looking for a last minute study to get you in the Christmas mood? Check out our newest Christmas study, John Ortberg on Christmas (3 session course). While normally $14.95 for this pack of three videos and a PDF Bible study, we're offering it for only $9.95 for a limited time.
Ortberg focuses on the generosity God showed through Christmas as an example for how generous we should be to others. Do the study on your own, share it with your family, or even use it after the holidays with your small group to extend the holiday season. Whatever you do, don't miss this sale.
posted by Amy Jackson at 11:23 AM on December 20, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
December 12, 2011
Top 5 Icebreakers of 2011
What you've been using to start your group meetings
Continuing our reflection on 2011, we've identified our top five most viewed icebreakers. Icebreakers include discussion starters and activities that get group members talking. They not only get good conversation going, but also help group members think about the topic for the night. Try these with your small group, and let us know your other favorites from the site.
1. What Does it Mean? by Tami Rudkin
Group members evaluate the meaning of common catchphrases.
2. Recharging by Tami Rudkin
How do you recharge your battery?
3. Faith Walk by Tami Rudkin
What area of your life requires a great deal of faith?
4. Name Your Week by Tami Rudkin
Describe your week using the letters of your first name.
5. Opposites by Tami Rudkin
The group takes turns finding opposites to a specific word until someone is stumped.
posted by Amy Jackson at 8:58 AM on December 12, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
December 7, 2011
Top 5 Articles of 2011
What you've been most interested in reading about this year
Well, 2011 is winding down. Pretty soon we'll be trying to remember to type 2012, getting our tax forms together, and marveling at the extra day in February. (Yikes! Let's not get too ahead of ourselves.)
In the meantime, SmallGroups.com is reflecting on the year and our most popular articles, icebreakers, blog posts, and downloads. As a special first-Wednesday-in-December treat for you, I thought I'd break down our five most popular articles of the year. Check them out and let us know your favorites. Don't see your favorite here? Let us know what it is.
1. Writing Questions that Spark Discussion by Rick Lowry
Eight helpful tips for those who write their own studies
2. Tips for Facilitating Group Discussion by Carter Moss
Practical advice for working toward life-change, not spectacular meetings
3. No More Mr. Nice Group by John Ortberg
Five practices that take small groups beyond polite sharing to the disciplines that change lives.
4. How to Start a House Church by Larry Kreider and Floyd McClung
Five ideas to keep in mind when you're planting something new
5. A Small Group Leader’s Most Important Job by Jim Egli
You can benefit from the surprising results of extensive research on small groups.
posted by Amy Jackson at 2:58 PM on December 7, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
November 29, 2011
Bringing the Christmas Spirit to Your Small Group
Don't pass up this golden opportunity.
Christmas is a time to celebrate Jesus' birth and the relationships in our lives—including our small-group friends. With Christmas right around the corner, it's a good idea to begin thinking about what your small group will do together for Christmas.
Of all the Christmas parties with friends and social functions during the season, one of my favorite gatherings has always been with my small group. Regardless of the group (I've changed small groups each year), this is always a memorable time. Last year my small group celebrated with a fondue dinner complete with cheese fondue that we dipped bread and veggies in, and a dinner fondue that we cooked chicken, steak, and shrimp in. It was a slow meal, and it was perfect for the small-group setting. All the group members brought their children, and we went around the table reflecting on the season and our time spent together as a group.
While the food was great, it wasn't just the food that made it an amazing time. There was something about cooking together in our tiny, 1923-style kitchen—broth nearly boiling over, dessert baking in the oven, fridge opening nonstop as people grabbed ingredients and drinks. Cooking together is usually reserved for the closest family members, and it was special to share it with our small-group friends.
If we're to truly live life together, shouldn't we celebrate the season together, too? Check out this article on Christmas ideas from our site, and share your ideas for celebrating below.
posted by Amy Jackson at 8:41 AM on November 29, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
November 17, 2011
Last-Minute Thanksgiving Ideas
Using the theme of the holiday to connect your group to God and the community
Thanksgiving is one week away . . . are you doing anything with your group to take advantage of the holiday?
Thanksgiving is a great time to fit in an outreach or serving activity with your group. The theme of gratitude lends itself to the message of Christ—with all he's done for us, we have so much to be thankful for! SmallGroups.com has three ideas for you to consider with your group.
A Pie in the Heart
Use pies and Psalm 136 to bless someone.
Giving Thanks
Have a meal together and invite others to enjoy your small group for the night.
Acts of Thanksgiving
Spend time in active prayer for the community.
posted by Amy Jackson at 10:53 AM on November 17, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
October 14, 2011
Let Us Know What You Think
You won't go away empty-handed.
Recently, I had the opportunity to participate in the Twelve Conference put on by Saddleback Church. I love these events because I get to learn about current small-group ministry hot topics and hear about some of the issues small-group ministries all over the country are facing. It gives me ideas on how SmallGroups.com can better serve small-group leaders, coaches, and pastors.
It was great hearing from the "big names" of small-group ministry. But, I can't help but think there's someone even better to ask about small-group hot topics and issues: you! As someone who is in the trenches of small-group ministry, you're the perfect person to let us know what resources to provide and topics to cover on SmallGroups.com in 2012.
Would you do me a huge favor? Take our quick survey to let us know how we can better serve you and your small-group ministry. For taking time out of your busy day, we'll reward you with a code for $10 off at our sister website, BuildingChurchLeaders.com. Thanks in advance for taking the time to fill us in. We greatly appreciate it.
posted by Amy Jackson at 4:38 PM on October 14, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
October 13, 2011
Check Out Our Exciting Giveaway!
You could win a NOOK color or a membership to SmallGroups.com
On my latest trip to Target I was shocked to see all the Christmas decorations and products neatly filling aisles of shelves. While it's hard to believe, it's not too early to be thinking about Christmas and Christmas shopping. Do you have anyone on your list who might like a NOOK color? Or, would you like to give yourself an early Christmas present?
There are two ways to receive entries into our sweepstakes: sign up on our Facebook page, or share the link to our digital magazine on Twitter and include @SmallGroupscom in your post.
You've been good all year. Why wait until Christmas to give yourself a NOOK color or a membership to SmallGroups.com? Enter our sweepstakes today, and be sure to tell your friends!
posted by Amy Jackson at 3:44 PM on October 13, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
September 23, 2011
God's Ultimate "Yes"
Do you see Jesus as one who mostly says yes or no?
As surely as God is faithful, my word to you does not waver between "Yes" and "No." For Jesus Christ, the Son of God, does not waver between "Yes" and "No." He is the one whom Silas, Timothy, and I preached to you, and as God's ultimate "Yes," he always does what he says. For all of God's promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding "Yes!" And through Christ, our "Amen" (which means "Yes") ascends to God for his glory. –2 Corinthians 1:18–20, NLT
I was recently reading 2 Corinthians and this passage struck me. While I've read it many times, the idea of Jesus being God's ultimate "Yes" rained fresh living water over me. How often do we view Jesus as the ultimate "Yes"? Jesus says "Yes" to love, redemption, grace, restored relationships, healing, lasting change, meaningful community, life to the full, hope, help, freedom. Sometimes we equate Jesus with "No" more than "Yes." For example, we can easily point out what we had to start saying "No" to when we began following Christ. When we see Jesus as a "No," life can seem hopeless. It can feel like a list of no's and not anymores and don't do thats—and they're all things we can't live up to.
But Jesus doesn't present himself as a "No." Recently my small group did a study on the freedom that Christ brings. It was fascinating how many people in our group had never thought much about Jesus bringing freedom to his followers (except maybe literal freedom to prisoners in Acts). It was a foreign idea that we all need freedom—from sin, misunderstandings about God, legalistic tendencies, past hurts, and more. We also realized why so many unbelievers may equate Jesus with saying "No;" we had been living lives that did not showcase the freedom that Christ brings!
What might happen if we changed our message about Jesus? What might happen if our primary message was "Yes" instead of "No"? What might happen if we began presenting to our group (and everyone we know) all the things Jesus says "Yes" to? I believe we'd paint a different picture of Jesus for many people. We might even become caught up in this new, beautiful picture of Jesus. And those no's, I bet they'd pale in comparison and fade into the background.
Does your group understand Jesus as God's ultimate "Yes?"
Can all types of groups successfully point to Jesus as the ultimate "Yes?" For instance, are accountability groups able to do this?
posted by Amy Jackson at 2:52 PM on September 23, 2011 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)
June 28, 2011
Help Wanted: Icebreakers and Other Learning Activities
It's time to re-stock the Small Groups Meeting Builder.
As I interact with various users of SmallGroups.com, I get the impression that a lot of people aren't familiar with what I consider to be one of our coolest features: The Small Groups Meeting Builder.
This free resource allows users to browse through our selection of learning activities in an organized way—hundreds of icebreakers, worship ideas, hospitality tips, outreach options, and Bible study extras. All of these free resources are designed to help small-group leaders create a well-rounded group meeting.
And did I mention that using the Meeting Builder is free?
In any case, I want to help people become more aware of this great resource this summer and fall. And I need your help to do that.
Specifically, I am looking for quality icebreakers, worship ideas, recipes, and other learning activities that I can add to the Meeting Builder in the coming months. If you are good at creating original activities that help your group members engage and interact with the topics or texts under discussion, you are just the kind of person I am looking for.
Send me an email here to get some more details about writing Meeting Builders for SmallGroups.com. The good news is that we pay you for your work. The bad news is—well, I guess there is no bad news. You get paid to write resources that advance the mission and effectiveness of small groups around the world!
What are you waiting for?
posted by Sam O'Neal at 9:37 AM on June 28, 2011 | Comments (9) | Trackbacks (0)
June 3, 2011
Shout Out: Intriguing Curriculum for Those Facing Disability
A study resource that may be a blessing to you or someone you know.
I recently came across an interesting Bible study course put together by Larry and Lisa Jamieson, who are co-founders of Walk Right In Ministries. The curriculum is called Finding Glory in the Thorns—thus the creepy image attached to this post.
What intrigues me about this material is that the authors have specifically designed it as a resource for individuals and families facing disability, illness, and/or serious care-giving situations.
Larry and Lisa are the parents of three children, including a daughter born with Angelman Syndrome. Thus, they bring a wealth of experience and compassion to the table when they write about this subject. Here's what they had to say about the Finding Thorns curriculum:
While the content of this Bible study tool is broadly applicable, it has obvious value for individuals and families experiencing disability and/or caregiving situations. The long-term vision for this curriculum is that it will become for the special needs community what the curricula of Celebrate Recovery, Griefshare and DivorceCare programs have become for people challenged by addiction, loss and broken marriages. For more information about Finding Glory Groups go to: http://www.findingglory.com/findingglorygrou.html
posted by Sam O'Neal at 2:12 PM on June 3, 2011 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)
May 16, 2011
Two and a Half Men in Your Small Group
Are you trying (and succeeding) to reach single men through community?
First things first: this post doesn't have anything to do with Charlie Sheen or "winning" or anything like that. So don't worry. I just thought it was a clever title on the subject of single men in the context of small groups.
Having said that, do you have any single men in your small group? Better yet, are you trying to minister to single men through your small group?
I am putting the finishing touches on a new SmallGroups.com resourced called "Effective Small Groups for Men," and I came across some interesting ideas in an article written by Steve Grusendorf:
Assimilating single adult men into the life of a local church can be difficult. When a new family comes through the doors of most churches, the leaders work hard to get them connected; the same is true for single mothers. But there seems to be an initial distrust of many single men who enter our churches.That's a shame. More than any other demographic, single men are in desperate need of community. In many ways the single adult male is more isolated than his peers. As men get older, more and more of their friends get married and begin having families. An unspoken stigma usually accompanies single men as they get older: the mark of being desperate. Single men find fewer and fewer people to which they can relate, often forcing them to live lonely, isolated lives.
Steve's conclusion is that "with some intentionality, co-ed small groups can be a great place for these men to find the community they long for."
And my first reaction to that is: "Yeah. That makes sense." My second reaction is: "But I don't have any single men in my small group. And I have never tried to attract any single men into my small group." So where does that leave me?
What about you?
posted by Sam O'Neal at 10:45 AM on May 16, 2011 | Comments (4) | Trackbacks (0)
March 24, 2011
Accountability Between Couples
Understanding the different types is necessary before practicing them.
Editor's Note: Sometime in the next day or two I will finish editing a training resource for SmallGroups.com called: "Life-Changing Small Groups for Couples." This will be available for download on April 4, but I thought you might enjoy a sneak peak.
So, below you will find an excerpt from an article written by Seth Widner that deals with the issue of accountability in a couples' small group.
Couples' groups often struggle with accountability because there is limited sharing when men and women spend time together. Most men and women will not be totally vulnerable when members of the opposite sex are present—which is understandable. So it is important for small-group leaders to provide creative ways for men and women to receive accountability.
The first step is to understand the two types of accountability for couples groups.
Couple to Couple
This type of accountability focuses on marriage- or family-related topics that involve both the husband and wife together. Such accountability covers topics like communication or conflict management, and it requires the husband and wife to work toward a solution together.
Being above reproach is crucial when holding couples accountable. A good rule of thumb is to never meet alone with someone of the opposite sex. If you and your spouse are scheduled to meet with a couple, make sure you both are present. If one of the spouses cannot attend your scheduled meeting, reschedule it for a time when everyone can be present.
Gender Specific
This type of accountability focuses more on gender-specific issues. Men hold other men accountable and women enter into accountability relationships with other women. This type of accountability allows each gender to be more vulnerable with private matters.
Both types of accountability are needed in the life of a couples group. Both will require a high level of trust between your group members. And that means small-group leaders must use wisdom in discerning when to apply them. Proverbs 2:6 says, "For the LORD gives wisdom and from His mouth comes knowledge and understanding." Seek God's guidance and follow his lead. It is also important to know your group member's needs.
Seeking God's guidance and understanding your group's needs will open the door for good discernment.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 11:00 AM on March 24, 2011 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
March 3, 2011
Video of the Week: Love Wins
Rob Bell's newest video can open the door to deep discussion.
You may have already seen the "preview video" for Rob Bell's upcoming book Love Wins. And if you have been on Facebook, Twitter, or the blogosphere this past week, you know that the marketing folks over at Harper One have done an excellent job at creating a stir in advance the book's launch.
I'm certainly not going to attack or defend Rob Bell's book here—not until I have a chance to read it, at least. But I do think the video below provides small-group leaders with an excellent opportunity for engaging their groups in a deep, personal, and potentially life-changing conversation.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 11:19 PM on March 3, 2011 | Comments (4) | Trackbacks (0)
February 15, 2011
My Take: Giving Up on Group Members
The answer is both yes and no.
Last week we featured a blog post called Can We Give Up on a Group Member? It featured two somewhat dissimilar ways of answering that question, although I think every came to a stable consensus in the Comments section.
But I've never allowed a consensus to get in the way of me sharing my opinion. :) So here are my thoughts on the issue of "giving up" on a group member.
First, there certainly has been a lot written about this issue in the world of small groups. The main buzzwords for these individuals are "difficult people" or EGRs (extra grace required).
But to be honest, I think a lot of what has been written and produced about this subject is baloney. Or hooey. Or whatever word you prefer to use about a topic that people treat as important when it really is not.
A Quick Reminder
Here's the reality: every small group in the world today is made up of human beings. And every human being in the world today is imperfect. We are all sinful. We are all emotional. We are all unpredictable and perplexing and just a bit unstable.
In other words, we are all difficult people. We all require enormous amounts of grace.
That's why I get irritated when I hear things like, "Every group has an EGR person—and if you can't figure out who that person is, it's probably you." Because I don't like the idea of giving a small-group leader the power to point a finger at a member of the group and say, "He's the difficult one," or, "She's the EGR."
No matter our best intentions, it changes our perception of an individual when we label them in that way. They cease to be an equal member of the group in our eyes—someone to love, serve, and enjoy. Instead they become someone to manage, someone to control, or someone to avoid.
And that's a shame.
A Special Circumstance
Having said all of that, I do believe there are times when a truly difficult person joins a small group. And by "difficult" I mean someone with a legitimate psychological or personality disorder.
Some of these individuals have an extreme form of emotional neediness—they dominate entire group meetings by constantly talking about their problems, call people at odd hours, and/or attempt to reach an uncomfortable level of intimacy with members of the group. Others are incapable of functioning normally in social situations (including people with Asperger's Syndrome and other forms of autism). Still others suffer from conditions such as Bipolar Disorder, depression, addiction, and mental illness.
If you encounter one of these individuals in your small group, it is highly unlikely that the group will be able to handle them. You certainly won't be able to "fix" them.
These situations call for help from a church staff member. And yes, if the issues can't be resolved, or if group members are beginning to feel threatened in any way, then it may be necessary to ask the person in question to stop attending the group. That is the last option that should be explored, but it is an option.
That's my opinion, anyway. What do you think?
posted by Sam O'Neal at 9:17 AM on February 15, 2011 | Comments (3) | Trackbacks (0)
February 10, 2011
Friday Flashback: The Age of Faux Friendships
Is the concept of friendship dying in our modern culture?
I was thinking of Dan Lentz's recent blog post about Relationship vs. Friendship when I came across an interesting quote from The Chronicle of Higher Education.
Here it is:
[Concerning] the moral content of classical friendship, its commitment to virtue and mutual improvement, that has been lost. We have ceased to believe that a friend's highest purpose is to summon us to the good by offering moral advice and correction. We practice, instead, the nonjudgmental friendship of unconditional acceptance and support—"therapeutic" friendship, [to quote] Robert N. Bellah's scornful term.We seem to be terribly fragile now. A friend fulfills her duty, we suppose, by taking our side—validating our feelings, supporting our decisions, helping us to feel good about ourselves. We tell white lies, make excuses when a friend does something wrong, do what we can to keep the boat steady. We're busy people; we want our friendships fun and friction-free….
With the social-networking sites of the new century—Friendster and MySpace were launched in 2003, Facebook in 2004—the friendship circle has expanded to engulf the whole of the social world, and in so doing, destroyed both its own nature and that of the individual friendship itself. Facebook's very premise—and promise—is that it makes our friendship circles visible. There they are, my friends, all in the same place. Except, of course, they're not in the same place, or, rather, they're not my friends. They're a superficial likeness or semblance of my friends—little dehydrated packets of images and information, no more my friends than a set of baseball cards is the New York Mets.
Boom! Tough stuff, huh? The author of that piece is a man named William Deresiewicz, and I'm wondering if you agree with him or not.
Deresiewicz concluded by saying: "Friendship is devolving, in other words, from a relationship to a feeling—from something people share to something each of us hugs privately to ourselves in the loneliness of our electronic caves."
Does he hit the nail on the head, or is he exaggerating? And what are the implications for small groups based on what he is saying? I would love your thoughts.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 8:54 PM on February 10, 2011 | Comments (4) | Trackbacks (0)
February 4, 2011
Can We Give Up on a Group Member?
Two viewpoints on a fascinating question.
Last week my friend Rick Howerton opened up his new blog with a post entitled: "When to Abandon a Small-Group Member." Here was the full text of his post:
Never! There is…Luke 15:11 - 24
- No sin to too decadent
- No opinion too controversial
- No revelation too disturbing
- No sickness too time consuming
- No need too costly
- No conflict too intense
- No addiction too immoral.
I thought that was a pretty cool sentiment, and so I re-tweeted the link to the post. A few of you re-tweeted it as well.
But then I got the following email from another SmallGroups.com reader:
Nice sentiment in Howerton’s blog post, but I have to disagree with him. I had to ask a group member to leave once because she would go into rages during the group. I tried meeting with her personally, but she would fly into rages against me. I finally blocked her phone calls because they were giving me panic attacks.
So, before I give my opinion on this matter, I thought I would open things up to all of you. Is there ever a time when a group leader should "abandon" a group member?
posted by Sam O'Neal at 10:04 AM on February 4, 2011 | Comments (6) | Trackbacks (0)
October 15, 2010
Learning Styles: Time for an Overview
A broad look at what Learning Styles are and the model we will be exploring
I meant to get to this a little earlier this week, but late is better than never, right? In any case, we are beginning an in-depth exploration of Learning Styles and how they impact both small-group leaders and small-group members.
I'd like to start with a broad overview of Learning Styles in general.
Definition
Learning styles refer to how a person perceives and processes information.
- "Perceive" refers to how data enters into a person's brain—meaning, sight, smell, sound, or touch.
- "Process" refers to what the brain does with that information after it has been perceived. It's how the brain interprets, organizes, stores, and uses data.
When it comes to categorizing and understanding the learning styles of human beings, there are dozens of different models that have been developed over the years (many of which are very scholarly and the opposite of user friendly). But I prefer to focus on the VARK model because it makes a lot of sense and, frankly, is easy to both understand and apply.
Continue reading Learning Styles: Time for an Overview...
posted by Sam O'Neal at 3:20 PM on October 15, 2010 | Comments (4) | Trackbacks (0)
October 11, 2010
Learning About Learning Styles
Get ready for some in-depth exploration in the coming weeks.
I am a teacher at heart, and I've been feeling the urge lately to explore an important topic on a deeper level—with the goal of providing small-group leaders with some useful insight and good conversation. And since I have full control over this blog, I think I will do just that. (Cue a mad-scientist kind of laugh.)
So, over the next several weeks I will be taking an extended look at learning styles and how they impact small groups. (You probably guessed that from the title of this post, huh?) Here's a tentative schedule of how the posts might shake out:
1. An overview of learning styles and the VARK model
2. Understanding Visual Learners
3. What visual learners need in a small group
4. Understanding Auditory Learners
5. What auditory learners need in a small group
6. Understanding Reading/Writing Learners
7. What reading/writing learners need in a small group
8. Understanding Kinesthetic Learners
9. What kinesthetic learners need in a small group
10. How to engage multiple learning styles in a small group
I plan on getting started later this week, but I wanted to pause a moment and open the door for any feedback you may have before I do so. Does this look interesting? Is there anything missing that you would like me to explore or explain?
Feel free to pitch in with your comments, and I really look forward to exploring this subject together!
posted by Sam O'Neal at 9:45 AM on October 11, 2010 | Comments (7) | Trackbacks (0)
September 13, 2010
Searching for Boundaries
Where do we draw the line between "appropriate" and "inappropriate" in mixed-gender small groups?
Last week I offered women a chance to Stand and Speak regarding their experiences in small groups. And we have had some great responses and interesting disclosures.
One comment that caught my eye came from Jill, who said:
I haven't been in a coed group in a long while, but in the past I've frequently found that men in leadership of said groups don't quite know what to do with single women in the group. I'm no shy wallflower, and I think sometimes they've felt somehow threatened. I think male leaders find single women very different somehow from married ones. Maybe the married ones are accustomed to deferring to their husbands.
Well Jill, I can tell you that you have nailed the feelings of at least one male small-group leader. To say I "don't quite know what to do with" the women in the small groups I have led is right on—and it's not just the single women that get me confused and/or gun-shy.
To put it badly, I am often am uncertain where the line is between appropriate and inappropriate behavior regarding women and men in a group. And that means I usually act overly reserved just to make sure that I don't unintentionally do anything weird—which often makes me feel like I am not fulfilling my role as a group leader who wants to care about and support the members of my group.
These are the kinds of issues I am talking about:
Continue reading Searching for Boundaries...
posted by Sam O'Neal at 1:52 PM on September 13, 2010 | Comments (7) | Trackbacks (0)
September 7, 2010
Women -- Stand and Speak!
Anyone interested in sharing their stories of small groups from a female perspective?
I am finishing up a new training packet for SmallGroups.com called "Effective Small Groups for Women." And I figured that I would write up a quick blog post about some of my reactions to the material in that download -- specifically, me talking about the awkwardness and uncertainty that I sometimes feel when I lead a small group that includes women.
But then I thought -- who wants to hear about that?
So, I would like to open up the floor to the women readers of this blog for a moment. Thinking specifically as a woman, how would you rate your experiences with small groups? Have you been pleased, confused, excited, or demoralized? What things have gone right, and where is there still room for progress?
Here's another angle: have you ever been in a group that was led by a man -- and how did it go? Or, have you ever led a small group that included men, and were there any issues that needed to be addressed there?
I guess I would just like to hear some of your stories, since I will never be able to experience a small group from a woman's point of view. So, for those of you that are willing to share, thanks in advance!
posted by Sam O'Neal at 9:15 AM on September 7, 2010 | Comments (8) | Trackbacks (0)
August 30, 2010
Poll Time: How is Your Group Prayer?
Take an honest look at your group's prayer life and let us know what you see.
I have been spending a lot of time exploring small-group prayer over the past couple of weeks. A lot of it has been for our newest training download, Revolutionary Prayer in Your Small Group, which is available as of this morning.
But I've also been digging into the topic because it really interests me. And depresses me. The idea of meaningful, revolutionary prayer within a small group makes me feel both hopeful and ashamed. Because the more I try to steer my small group toward a life-changing enterprise, the more I realize that prayer is a foundational element of what we want to do.
Any chance anyone out there feels the same way?
Let us know through the poll below, and post a comment if you'd like to share something that you have found helps prayer work really well within a group (or if you have a question and/or are struggling a bit, like me).
posted by Sam O'Neal at 3:33 PM on August 30, 2010 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)
June 1, 2010
Thinking About Jesus' Small Group
Should there be a conflict between "couch time" and "street time"?
I had a chance to watch the above video from Alan Danielson this morning, and it's got me thinking a little bit. Actually, I can't tell if I'm thinking or reacting, which is one of the reasons I'm typing my thoughts out here (so that the rest of you can correct me, if needs be).
Here's the main thing I'm reacting to: "If Jesus and his small group, the 12 disciples, were here in this world today, you know where they would have small group? Not in a living room on overstuffed couches.... For Jesus and his small group, that was the exception, not the rule."
First, I need to say that I am a big fan of Alan Danielson. He's written several great pieces for SmallGroups.com on why small groups need to be On Mission, and I think his message needs to be heard. I also know Alan is not saying that small groups should never gather together in people's homes, since he has produced some great "on the couch" resources for small groups over the years (through LifeChurch.TV and Bluefish).
But this is a message I have heard from several sources and in several different guises recently: If Jesus were around today, he wouldn't participate in what we see as "normal" small groups. Therefore, what we see as "normal" small groups must be wrong and ineffective. .
And I'm not sure I agree.
First of all, it's kind of tough to translate Jesus' behavior from the 1st century into an equivalent behavior today. Certainly Jesus spent most of his public ministry "on the street." But we need to remember what office Jesus was serving under—he was a new rabbi, and one of hundreds of rabbis operating within a 10-mile circle. And the job of a new rabbi in that time and culture was to travel from village to village, teaching about Torah in the synagogues and gathering disciples that wanted to follow in his footsteps.
Would Jesus behave the same way if he lived today? I don't know that we can say so for sure. He may very well have set himself up as a local pastor and launched his revolution through the narrow arms of a local church.
That's probably quibbling, so let's get to the two big questions that Alan's video has me thinking about:
Continue reading Thinking About Jesus' Small Group...
posted by Sam O'Neal at 9:34 AM on June 1, 2010 | Comments (7) | Trackbacks (0)
May 5, 2010
Foundational Questions for Your Group
What would Christ be asking your group?
I was recently exchanging email with a friend of mine at Xenos Christian Fellowship which hosts one of my favorite conferences every summer in Columbus, OH. (I would encourage you to check out the 2010 version of the Xenos Summer Institute.)
The conversation with my friend brought back to mind a session at a previous Xenos Summer Institute where Larry Crabb suggested that one of our main goals in Christian community is not to find answers to the questions we have about God, but rather to find answers to the questions God has been asking throughout time. He proposed seven questions that God has continued to think are important (and some partial answers to explore further in your community):
1. Who is God? (He is community)
2. What is God up to? (teaching me to live in community like Jesus)
3. Who are we? (gendered image bearers)
4. What’s gone wrong? (I have)
5. What’s God done about it? (the Cross)
6. What’s the Spirit doing today? (living in us as He lives in Trinitarian community)
7. How do we tag along with the Spirit? (seek the new way of the Spirit)
Interesting, huh? You many want to try reviewing these questions as a framework for your next discussion about small-group purpose, or just as a great way for your group members to reflect on their recent spiritual progress.
posted by Dan Lentz at 1:58 PM on May 5, 2010 | Comments (3) | Trackbacks (0)
April 13, 2010
Just a Few Thoughts on Heresy
My initial reactions and questions to some great points raised by Neil Cole.
I recently finished up a SmallGroups.com resource called "Starting a House Church" (which will be available next week, if that piques your interest). One of the articles I edited for that download is written by Neil Cole, and the title is: "Addressing the Threat of Heresy in House Churches and Small Groups."
For as long as I have been aware of small groups and their potential for good in the Kingdom of God, I have also heard whispers about their connection to heresy. For some, it seems like a near guarantee that non-seminary trained laypeople will lead others into dubious and dangerous doctrinal distinctions. For others, the threat of heresy trails behind a positive view of small groups like a long shadow on a sunny day.
That's why I was excited to hear Neil Cole's thoughts on the issue of heresy, and I was not disappointed. Some of what he had to say made me excited, and other parts of the article made me scratch my head a bit. But it all made me think through an issue that has loomed over my head for years now. Maybe it's the same for you?
Here are a couple of Neil's points that I found to be most interesting:
Continue reading Just a Few Thoughts on Heresy...
posted by Sam O'Neal at 10:52 AM on April 13, 2010 | Comments (7) | Trackbacks (0)
April 9, 2010
Friday Flashback: The Perfect Welcome
Greet visitors and guests with warmth and a little common sense.
When people visit your small group for the first time they come with all sorts of questions: Will we like it? Will we connect with the people there? Will this be helpful for us? It can be intimidating for people entering a new group because they don't know how they'll be received, if they'll feel like they fit, and if they'll want to return.
Fortunately, there are things you can do as a group leader to help ease any tension that guests may be feeling, and instead help them feel more "at home." Here are some tips to help guests feel more comfortable, received, and accepted in your group.
1. Greet guests as soon as they come in. Introduce yourself and let them know it's great to have them at your group.
2. Learn a little about them as they're coming in (this will help you with introducing them to others later).
- Learn their names, and if they live nearby or have attended your church before.
- If they have kids, ask names and ages of children - this helps the whole family feel welcomed.
- Find out how they heard about your group (member, website, friend, etc.).
Continue reading Friday Flashback: The Perfect Welcome...
posted by Sam O'Neal at 9:39 AM on April 9, 2010 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
March 26, 2010
Friday Flashback: Networking or Neighboring?
One is good for groups, while the other is a community killer.
Networking and Neighboring are not the same.
Networking has my agenda in mind.
Neighboring has the agenda of the other person in mind.
Networking is motivated by getting something from someone.
Neighboring has the goal doing something for someone.
Networking stems from selfishness.
Neighboring flows from selflessness.
Networking is a business term.
Neighboring is a Jesus expression.
Someone you network with can become a neighbor and someone who is your neighbor can become part of your network.
The people you are being the church with should always be neighbors.
Small-Group Leader: guard your heart from turning your neighbors into another member of your network. You might get more work out of them, but in the process vast amounts of love, grace, and mercy will escape and you'll be left with a heart occupied by aloneness.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 1:46 PM on March 26, 2010 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
March 5, 2010
Friday Flashback: Walk on the Wild Side
Try something new, if you dare!
I travel all over the world for my ministry work, training small-group leaders and members in far flung places such as Curitiba, Brazil, Seoul, South Korea, and Lilongwe, Malawi. In all of these places, as well as many others around the world, the believers don't pray the way we do. When it's time to pray—and it's always time to pray, by the way—everyone prays out loud and at the same time.
My conclusion? If anyone is weird, it's us Americans. "Concert" prayer is the norm among people of all races and denominational backgrounds outside of North America.
When I asked a pastor from Malawi if they ever use conversational prayer where one person prays aloud while others listen, he said, "There is far more power when everyone is praying instead of listening to one person. When we pray with many voices, it builds faith and removes fear that others will be critical of the words the person is using to speak to God. You should try it and you will see that it is much more efficient and powerful."
Let me challenge you today. Print this page and read it to your small group when you next meet. Challenge them to take a walk on the wild side of prayer and see if it's more powerful and more effective than listening to one person voice a prayer. Then, return here and report on what happened. I'd love to know how they responded and how God moved in your midst.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 10:31 AM on March 5, 2010 | Comments (6) | Trackbacks (0)
November 30, 2009
The Three Threes
How to play Santa and make disciples this Christmas season
Playing Santa is fun. It's also very Christ-like. But please don't confuse—I'm not putting Jesus and Santa on a level playing field. By "playing Santa" I mean giving to and caring for those who are struggling financially, relationally, and/or emotionally.
One of the people groups most unnoticed and overlooked by the church are singles—especially single moms. Many of them are struggling. Churches tend to be built for, governed by, and have created environments for husbands and wives with children. Because of this, we often fail to spot the needs of single parents.
This Christmas, your small group can reach out to this wonderful group of dedicated parents, and in so doing your group members will grow spiritually, I promise. You need a plan? I've got one you might consider. It's what I call "The Three Threes."
The First Three: Make your small group aware of the need
- Engage your group in a Bible study focused on charity.
- At the end of the study, secure a commitment from the group to adopt a single mom and her kids during the Christmas season.
- Share with the group that you would like to do this together, and what will be expected of the group (see below).
The Second Three: Organize for Accomplishment
- Ask someone in the group with the gift of administration to spearhead this endeavor.
- Ask someone in the group with the gift of mercy to locate a single mom with kids. Ask her/him to communicate with the single mom and get that individual to agree to allow the group to help. They should also get the name and address of that single mom to the person organizing this project.
- Ask these two leaders to bring back a date or dates this ministry will take place, and what the group will do for the single mom and her children. A few ideas:
—Close to Christmas, line up a massage for the mom. While she's gone, babysit the kids, decorate the house for Christmas, and bring gifts for mom and kids to go under the Christmas tree.
—Part of the group takes the kids to a Christmas movie while mom has a night out. Purchase and deliver gifts the week of Christmas for mom and kids to open on Christmas day.
—Deliver gifts and food for Christmas day to the household on Christmas Eve.
Continue reading The Three Threes...
posted by Sam O'Neal at 10:06 AM on November 30, 2009 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)
November 6, 2009
Collective Decision Making
How to create a group environment where the collective wisdom of the group will prevail
Not too long ago, I listened to an audio book called The Wisdom of Crowds, by James Surowiecki. A section of the book deals with the decision-making capacity of small groups and teams, primarily in a business setting. The conclusion of most studies on small-group decision-making is that the quality of group decisions is poor when compared to individual decisions.
Why? The reason given in the book is that stronger vocal individuals in a group will tend to give their opinion, as they normally would, but non-vocal members or members with different opinions will tend to continue to be silent and avoid confrontation. Or some stay silent to avoid prolonging an unproductive group discussion. By not being heard and bringing different perspectives into the group process, the result is the expressed opinion of the few becomes the default opinion of the group. The broader group may not be unified behind that decision, but everyone defaults to the opinion of the vocal member(s). The book goes on to say, "If a group in this situation makes a good decision, it generally is because the stronger more vocal person just happened to have a good opinion."
Despite this common dynamic of poor group decisions, one of the ideas proposed by The Wisdom of Crowds is that a collective group decision (small group or large group) can and should be a better decision than any one individual in the group could make—IF, and this is a big IF, the group process includes provisions for having every member be heard without being biased by other member’s comments. But according to the book, in business and organizations, groups and teams seldom reach the best collective decision because the group process is normally flawed.
Continue reading Collective Decision Making...
posted by Dan Lentz at 2:22 PM on November 6, 2009 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
September 28, 2009
Basic Prayers of Spiritual Life
And of small-group community
Many efforts have been made to try and distill our life in Christ down to the most basic elements. Tom Bandy, a church consultant, has put together a useful way of thinking about it. He has identified what I call five Scriptural “cries of the heart” that come out of the core of our journey with the Lord. Each of these prayers embraces a deep spiritual need we have.
Here they are:
- Change my life! Change my heart, oh God, take my life.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!” - Grow me up! Make every experience, every circumstance, good or bad, a pathway to knowing You and Your ways better, oh Lord.
James 1:2-4 says, “My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.” - Help me fulfill my purpose in life! Show me who I am in Your eyes, and let that vision change my everyday existence.
Ephesians 1:11-12 says, “In Christ we have also obtained an inheritance, having been destined according to the purpose of him who accomplishes all things according to his counsel and will, so that we, who were the first to set our hope on Christ, might live for the praise of his glory.” - have a good reader read the words of an old hymn
- play a music CD and just listen, then get responses
- dedicate a prayer time to only thanksgiving (what God has done) and adoration (who God is)
- share a favorite Scripture verse, and then share why it's a favorite.
- after sharing a Scripture or song, have some quiet journaling and then group sharing
- do communion together as a group
- do a sing along CD or DVD, and turn it up loud if your group members are not great singers—it works!
- When leading a small group meeting, don't move forward with the study if someone has verbally attacked another group member. Acknowledge the intense emotions and deal with them before continuing.
- If a household in your group has suffered a tragedy—loss of a job, death of a family member, and so on—the next meeting should be focused on ministering to the family rather than "doing the study."
- Similarly, don't try to multiply your small group (or even suggest multiplication) if an individual or couple in the group is going through tough times or processing some great loss. These individuals need relational stability for a season.
- Complete an agreed upon study before moving on to a different curriculum piece. You may sense that the present study isn't what you had hoped for, but if the group was involved in choosing the study, moving from it before completion will create silent discontent.
- If a small group has spent a substantial amount of time on a ministry project in the last four weeks, be sure you have group consensus before involving the group in another ministry project soon thereafter.
- PURPOSE—group members have a clear expectation of what they are to do as a member of their small group. Group members know why the group exists and why they are a committed part of it.
- COHESION—there is a strong perceived need for the group by the group members. Group members would feel like they were missing something vital if they missed a group gathering and small group relationships are viewed as high priority.
- Invitation. The new group member is honored to be part of the group.
- Expectation. Prior to the first meeting, emotions and hope rise as the person anticipates the upcoming relationships and group experiences.
- Intimidation. This often happens in the first meeting. The person is confronted with lots of new people and new surroundings, and can sometimes be overwhelmed by the perceived spiritual maturity of other group members.
- Inhibition. The new group member holds back, still not sure if the group is a safe place or a dangerous relational jungle.
- Exploration. The new group member begins searching for his or her place in the group.
- Evaluation. The new member begins asking mental questions that are vital to his or her participation in the group: Who am I in this group? Do I really fit in? Are the others really accepting me? Do I really accept them?
- Actualization. The new member accepts his or her place in the group. He or she thinks, "This group does have the shared goal, like passion, and sincerity of heart to see God act that I do."
- Reconciliation. I know and accept my place in this community of believers, trust them to know my needs and respond, and trust them to keep conversations confidential. We are Christian community with similar goals and callings. I am reconciled to living the principles espoused in the group covenant.
- Exhibition. Because I have learned this is a safe environment and because I have concluded that I am accepted here as a person of worth, I can exhibit the real me.
- Elation. There is no place I'd rather be. Being me is fun, exciting, and relaxing. I am elated to spend time in this environment.
Continue reading Basic Prayers of Spiritual Life...
posted by Dan Lentz at 2:02 PM on September 28, 2009 | Comments (2) | Trackbacks (0)
September 23, 2009
Small Group Worship
Some ideas to get your group over the hump
I have had conversations with worship leaders who led worship for Promise Keepers and who also led worship in small groups. They have commented that it is arguably more challenging to lead a worship experience in a small group of 6 than it is to lead a group of 50,000!
Given that most leaders I talk to think leading small group worship is a challenge, it reinforces the importance of looking carefully in our small groups for those who have gifting in the area of worship and allow them to share that gift with the group.
Beyond having someone in your group who is gifted with leading worship, another way to get over the worship hump in small groups is to start framing our paradigm of small group worship differently. There are many ways to create worship experiences in small groups beyond just singing. SmallGroups.com features lots of creative worship activities in our Worship Ideas section of the website.
And here are several other ideas that have come out of various conversations I’ve had and workshops I have attended:
How about you? What are some other ideas for small group worship experiences?
posted by Dan Lentz at 1:00 PM on September 23, 2009 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)
September 9, 2009
GPS Leadership
When it comes to making decisions in your small group, timing is everthing.
I love my GPS. Whenever I drive somewhere new, a sophisticated female voice with a British accent kindly directs my route, telling me where to turn and whether to turn left or right. She doesn't tell me when to turn, though. Pulling up to a stop light and waiting until the coast is clear is my responsibility.
I am responsible for knowing the optimal time to turn the corner—that is, when I can turn without getting nailed by a semi. If I turn at the wrong time, the results will be devastating and everyone in the vehicle will be injured.
That's because timing is everything.
Timing is important for small groups, too. Books and conferences can tell you what to do, but not when to do it. That means group leaders must accurately read the environment of their small groups in order to know when is the right time to make a change or start something new.
With that in mind, here are a few tips about timing when it comes to small-group leadership:
Remember: timing is everthing.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 11:33 AM on September 9, 2009 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
September 8, 2009
A Simple Recipe for Group Success?
Here are two critical ingredients.
Not much about small groups is “clean” or simple, but Dr. Henry Cloud mentioned in a conference session I attended some time ago that he viewed two “ingredients” as being critical for small group success and group member life change. Those two ingredients are PURPOSE and COHESION.
According to Dr. Cloud, the presence of these two ingredients in a small group is a strong indicator that transformation will take place in group members’ lives.
I don’t disagree with Dr. Cloud, but I wonder what you think? Are these the two ingredients you would have picked? What would you say are the most critical factors of small group success and member transformation?
posted by Dan Lentz at 9:36 AM on September 8, 2009 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
August 19, 2009
"Sticky Church" Chapter Review
Looking at what happens in a sermon-based small group
If you didn't see it in the newsletter this week, SmallGroups.com is participating in a blog tour for Larry Osborne's recent book Sticky Church. The book covers the sermon-based small-group system Larry set up at North Coast Church over the years.
I've agreed to review chapter 11 of the book here; it's called "Flies on the Wall: What happens when a sermon-based small group meets." If you want to check out the blog posts for the rest of the chapters in the book, click here.
I've always liked the idea of sermon-based groups from an organizational standpoint. It seems like a great way to get the whole church on the same page not only about the weekly sermon, but about the value of small groups, as well. On the other hand, I've also been curious about the experience of the individual group leaders in such a church. Does such a system make leading a group easier or harder? More rewarding or more boring? That's why I was excited to review this particular chapter.
My opinion has always been that I would be stifled as the leader of a sermon-based small group. I love the creativity of crafting a lesson that approaches a Bible passage or topic in a new way. I enjoy being spontaneous and using different activities and games to supplement the teaching time. Most of all, I get a real kick out of leading people in meaningful discussions. Could those things survive in a sermon-based group?
Maybe Yes
Larry said a couple of things that eased my fears on this issue. For one, North Coast gives its leaders the freedom to digress. Larry writes: "Since the process of sharing, study, and prayer is more important than any specific content we might provide, I don't care that much if a group deviates, as long as it's led of the Spirit or in response to the needs of the group." That sounds healthy, to me.
Larry also emphasizes that the study material needs to cover different texts and materials than those covered in the Sunday sermon. Otherwise, people get bored because they are hearing everything twice. Amen.
Continue reading "Sticky Church" Chapter Review...
posted by Sam O'Neal at 1:51 PM on August 19, 2009 | Comments (9) | Trackbacks (0)
August 13, 2009
Breaking Bread Together
Why sharing meals together is a big deal
We've done polls at www.SmallGroups.com in the past about various topics. One poll question we previously asked was, "When was the last time your whole small group ate a meal together?" I was a little surprised, but excited, about the results. A majority of those who responded said their small group has shared a meal together in the last month! Granted, our polling methods are not scientific, but I was delighted to see these results.
Perhaps groups tend to share meals together more around holidays or before and after seasonal breaks, but I suspect there is a trend toward groups “breaking bread” more frequently together. I believe this is important for several reasons:
1) Eating meals together was clearly a practice of the early church. And from what we read in Acts 2:42-47, it was part of the core practices that propelled the growth of the early church.
2) "Breaking bread" in the early church seems to have been part of the regular "Lord’s Supper" practice of the early believers, rather than the more ceremonial version we commonly practice today. Participating in this meal as a community obviously brought a profound sense of the Lord’s presence to the group. There's no reason this aspect of sharing a meal together couldn’t have the same impact today.
3) Having a meal together maximizes your time together for sharing and relationships. Rather than trying to rush and get supper in before group, why not go a little earlier to group and share that meal time together. The same is true of breakfast or lunch.
4) Meals allow the whole intergenerational family to share time together. Rather than trying to make arrangements for what to do with the kids during group, meals are great times to incorporate everyone in the family into the group. My own kids feel very connected to our group partly because of the meal we all share together.
5) My experience has been that sharing a meal together whenever the group meets has significantly increased the community and spiritual health of small groups. I led groups for years where we only had a short snack time. When we switched to sharing simple meals together that everyone helped prepare, our sense of unity and spiritual growth greatly accelerated.
"They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Acts 2:46-47
posted by Dan Lentz at 2:47 PM on August 13, 2009 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
July 7, 2009
The Disruption Myth
What to do about four common distractions
Small group meetings are notorious for disruption. The most prominent disruptions occur when someone chases the rabbit, cracks a joke, breaks down in tears, or a child escapes the clutches of the babysitter and demands a tete-a-tete with mommy or daddy.
Interruptions of this nature can flabbergast, anger, even cause a small-group leader to believe the evening was a bust. But almost any disruption either unveils important information about an individual the group leader is shepherding or opens the door for a special group life moment.
Here are the four most common disruptions and how to either interpret them and/or utilize them:
The Rabbit Chase
The rabbit chase may be a group member's bridge to a present situation or debilitating past experience. It's your job as a leader to interpret, then respond. If you think the group member needs to delve into her/his personal journey, say something like, "I'm intrigued that our discussion is taking a turn in this direction. What were you thinking about when you started your comments?"
If you find it is simply a useless rabbit, hunt it down, blow it to bits, and dispose of it as quickly as possible.
The Joke Grenade
It may well be that the joke-cracker is uncomfortable with the conversation because the topic hits close to home. The joke is a deterrent keeping the person from dealing with the true emotions he/she is feeling. Laugh with everyone else, then respectfully ask the jokester a significant and serious question.
By the way, if the person is one of those people that hurls joke grenades into the middle of great discussions just for the fun of it, using this technique often is a great deterrant to that behavior. You'll find that, in time, they seldom interrupt the group meeting with what they believe to be "comic relief."
Continue reading The Disruption Myth...
posted by Sam O'Neal at 11:08 AM on July 7, 2009 | Comments (3) | Trackbacks (0)
June 12, 2009
Progressive Intimacy
Use these stages of group life to get a read on each of your members.
Progressive Intimacy is a natural part of every group member’s experience. I know the phrase "progressive intimacy" might sound complicated, but it simply means that people go through a somewhat consistent pattern of connection when they first enter a small group.
Realizing where a group member is on this continuum will help you move group members further into higher levels of relationship. Below you’ll see the different steps involved with progressing intimacy as I perceive them based on my experiences.
Continue reading Progressive Intimacy...
posted by Sam O'Neal at 12:00 PM on June 12, 2009 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
May 18, 2009
Green Groups?!
Check out these videos for a different spin on being green
Crossroads Grace Community Church in Manteca, CA recently hosted the Synergy 09 Small Group Conference. The conference theme was highlighted by a clever spoof of the famous Blue Man Group, but instead called the "Green Man Group."
The Green Man Group's journey into small group community was chronicled in three very fun video clips which you can find below.
In addition to the Green Man Group trio, the conference featured many well done main sessions and workshops. And the best part - the audio recordings for all the workshops are available for free online! (Click the "Conference Media" tab!)
Check out the three videos below and stay tuned for information about future Synergy Conferences. (Tip: Watch these in order. The first one starts with a minute and a half of silence.)
Continue reading Green Groups?!...
posted by Dan Lentz at 9:59 AM on May 18, 2009 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
May 11, 2009
Free Hugs
43 million people have watched this video. What does it teach us about community?
I rarely look at my Facebook account, and I have never "Twittered" (Tweeted?) in my life. So I'm probably the last person in the world to become aware of the "Free Hugs" video below. But I finally saw it last week, and it made a deep impression on me.
Sociologists have been saying for a long time now that people of our generation receive less human contact than ever before—and that's a bad thing. I happen to agree, and I think a warm hug or a handshake is one of the best things we can offer our group members week in and week out.
What do you think? Is physical contact appropriate between group members? What should the boundaries be?
And what are some ways you could share this video with your group members?
posted by Sam O'Neal at 4:13 PM on May 11, 2009 | Comments (4) | Trackbacks (0)
April 28, 2009
Free Membership Time
We want to hear your story, and we want to reward you for telling us.
Okay, if you have been paying attention to this blog for any amount of time, you have heard me talk about our YouTube channel. This was designed to be a way for people to share their stories about small-group life with others in a new and interesting way. This was also supposed to be a way for us to give away a few free memberships to SmallGroups.com.
Well, there has not been much sharing so far. In fact, there has been none outside of my co-workers. And there have been no free memberships given away—not yet.
But we are not giving up! Below you will see the video that introduces our "question of the month" for April. The original idea was to select five people at random who participated and give them free memberships to SmallGroups.com. But since no-one has participated, and the deadline of May 2 is drawing close, I'll change things up a bit.
The first five people to upload a video and send us a link will get a free membership to SmallGroups.com. Here's the question you'll be answering:
To be one of the first five, all you have to do is record yourself answering that question. You can use an expensive video camera or your cell phone—it doesn't matter. Then, you just need to upload that video to YouTube. Once it's there, click the "send video" button and send it to us at "inspiringcommunity." Or you can just e-mail the link to me at "smallgroups at christianitytoday.com".
It's easy, and the first five videos will receive a free membership. Let's see what you can do!
posted by Sam O'Neal at 10:03 AM on April 28, 2009 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
April 22, 2009
The Power of Relational “Small Talk”
Even talk about nothing can be something
I haven't talked to a small-group leader yet who hasn't experienced the issue of time pressure during small-group gatherings. There so much to get done (food, fellowship, prayer, study, curriculum, service, planning, outreach, etc.) and so little time. And, if we're only working with an hour or two each week (or every other week!); there's precious little time for what we at our church call "hanging out."
But part of the power of biblical community comes as we have relationships that include time for "small talk." Small talk is the sometimes superficial conversation that happens when we are just hanging out together.
I was reminded of the power of small talk from an unusual source recently. I was reading an old transcript of the "Meet the Press" TV news show and here's a quote from Jay McGraw that caught my attention:
Continue reading The Power of Relational “Small Talk”...
posted by Dan Lentz at 1:06 PM on April 22, 2009 | Comments (2) | Trackbacks (0)
April 21, 2009
Take a Walk on the Wild Side of Prayer
Try something new, if you dare!
Note: In the next few weeks, we'll be introducing some "blogging all stars" from the world of small-groups ministry. One such person is Randall Neighbour. He is the president of TOUCH Outreach Ministries in Houston, and he regularly blogs at www.randallneighbour.com.
I travel all over the world for my ministry work, training small-group leaders and members in far flung places such as Curitiba, Brazil, Seoul, South Korea, and Lilongwe, Malawi. In all of these places, as well as many others around the world, the believers don't pray the way we do. When it's time to pray—and it's always time to pray, by the way—everyone prays out loud and at the same time.
My conclusion? If anyone is weird, it's us Americans. "Concert" prayer is the norm among people of all races and denominational backgrounds outside of North America.
When I asked a pastor from Malawi if they ever use conversational prayer where one person prays aloud while others listen, he said, "There is far more power when everyone is praying instead of listening to one person. When we pray with many voices, it builds faith and removes fear that others will be critical of the words the person is using to speak to God. You should try it and you will see that it is much more efficient and powerful."
Let me challenge you today. Print this page and read it to your small group when you next meet. Challenge them to take a walk on the wild side of prayer and see if it's more powerful and more effective than listening to one person voice a prayer. Then, return here and report on what happened. I'd love to know how they responded and how God moved in your midst.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 1:30 PM on April 21, 2009 | Comments (4) | Trackbacks (0)
April 14, 2009
Leading by Discrepancy
Painting the picture of what is and what could be
One of the best "hands-on" conferences I attend regularly is the Xenos Summer Institute. In one breakout session, Dennis McCallum (co-lead pastor of Xenos Christian Fellowship) talked about a leadership tool known as "leading by discrepancy."
Let's say you or your church has a vision for what group life should be, but your small group doesn't resemble that vision. What do you do? One of the things you can do is help your group clearly see the discrepancy between their current situation and what could be. The process goes like this:
Continue reading Leading by Discrepancy...
posted by Dan Lentz at 1:14 PM on April 14, 2009 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)
April 3, 2009
Got Community?
Here are two ways to measure the depth of community in your church.
At a recent event sponsored by Cornerstone Knowledge Network, co-sponsor of BuildingForMinistry.com, the group wrestled with this question:
"Is there any way to measure the depth of community in your church?"
People seemed stumped. How do you create a social metric?
Then Will Mancini, author of Church Unique, suggested two ways:
1. Ask each person, "How many '2 a.m. friends' do you have?" These are the people whom you could call at 2 a.m., and it would be okay.
2. Ask each person, "How many friends do you have who have 'refrigerator rights'?" These are people who could come into your house and open your fridge and help themselves, and it wouldn't bother you.
Make these questions part of an annual churchwide survey, and you'll be able to see if your people are truly in community.
What other ways can you think of to measure the depth of community in your church?
posted by Kevin Miller at 2:11 PM on April 3, 2009 | Comments (5) | Trackbacks (0)
March 23, 2009
The Hot Seat
Sometimes warmth helps you grow rather than wilt
In the U.S., over the past few weeks, we've had lots of people in the "hot seat." What I mean is there have been many corporate and public figures getting grilled with questions from media, lawmakers, and angry citizens about the economy and their handling of other people's money.
Interestingly enough, while many people wilt under the pressure of the hot seat, I've seen the "hot seat" practice be a breath of fresh air and provide grace to some struggling small groups recently. While we think of the "hot seat" being a place of fiery questioning and accusation, the "hot seat" can also be a place of warmth and growth if you approach it differently.
Continue reading The Hot Seat...
posted by Dan Lentz at 12:42 PM on March 23, 2009 | Comments (1) | Trackbacks (0)
January 26, 2009
Introducing Sam O'Neal
Say hello to one of our Small-Group Dynamics Editorial Advisors.
Sam O'Neal is the Managing Editor of SmallGroups.com and SmallGroupDynamics.com. Sam oversees the planning and coordination of all content featured on the site and this blog.
Sam has a passion for seeing discipleship and full-bodied Christian education done right in the local church - especially in the context of small-group communities. He has been married to a wonderful woman named Jessica for over five years, and he thoroughly enjoys their young son, Daniel.
Sam is also a rabid fan of the Chicago Bears.
You can contact Sam by clicking here.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 2:04 PM on January 26, 2009 | Comments (2) | Trackbacks (0)
Introducing JoHannah Reardon
Say hello to one of our Small-Group Dynamics Editorial Advisors.
JoHannah Reardon is the associate editor for ChristianBibleStudies.com, an online Bible study site where over 125,000 leaders, students, and teachers come to learn and apply God's Word. JoHannah says, "I receive hundreds of e-mails from Bible students from around the world, giving me a good idea of the global spiritual climate. Christians everywhere feel a need to connect over God's Word, and our site helps their spiritual formation."
Besides writing, editing, and assigning Bible studies, JoHannah has ghostwritten two books, written content for the Couples' Devotional Bible, and has been published in several magazines. She also speaks at writer's conferences across the nation.
JoHannah is a pastor's wife, the mother of three, and a grandmother of two.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 1:56 PM on January 26, 2009 | Comments (0) | Trackbacks (0)
December 23, 2008
Introducing Dan Lentz
Say hello to one of our Small-Group Dynamics Editorial Advisors
Dan Lentz is Director of the Small-Group Network -- a network of small-group leaders, churches, small-group resource providers, and other Christian organizations originally brought together at SmallGroups.com to provide an online place for training and support for group leaders and directors.
Over the years, Dan been has been a church planter, small-groups pastor, and has served in a variety of roles within small-groups ministries. He is also author of Let's Get Started: How to Begin Your Small-Groups Ministry.
Dan's family small group consists of his wife, Kim, and their three children: Sam, Katie, and Grace.
You can contact Dan by clicking here.
posted by Sam O'Neal at 10:55 AM on December 23, 2008 | Comments (4) | Trackbacks (0)
